Binibining Ces

Sa pagkakaalala ko, witty na si Papi nung umpisa pa lang ng casting process nung nagpa-audition ako sa Bumble. Nag-swipe right ako kagad sa kanya kasi yung age nya pang-mature roles. Tsaka yung primary photo nya sa profile naka-Don Vito Corleone shirt sya, eh favorite ko yung The Godfather series. Dun sa bio nya nakalagay din dun na geek daw sya. Nagpra-practice raw sya ng stoicism. Coffee raw fuel nya. Mahilig daw sya sa movies, books, TV, comics, boardgames. Meme connoisseur daw sya. Yung mga interests nya cycling, museum & galleries, comedy and philosophy. Dun pa lang feeling ko ang dami na naming mapag-uusapan. 

At hindi nga ako nabigo. Unang line pa lang nya sinakyan na nya kagad yung amats ko, paano raw mag-audition? Di ko na maalala kung ano exactly yung napag-uusapan namin pero every day may nadi-discover kaming something in common namin. Parang may something to look forward tuloy. Parang kada araw talaga may nare-reveal na connection. Like, parang we shared a childhood or something dahil sa palumaan ng pinoy pop culture references namin. Or baka ang tanda na lang talaga namin. Sa dami ng pagkakaparehas namin (na ultimo pati sari-sariling kwarto namin parehas na magulo), parang naisip ko tuloy na baka naman nagiging patronizing or pandering na yung nangyayari. Pero no.

I think nagsimula to sa books. Parehas kaming mahilig sa self-improvement. Gusto nya yung mga books ni Robert Greene tsaka Ryan Holiday. Sakto pa nga kasi binabasa ko nun yung Daily Stoicism tsaka bukod dun hardcore self-help junkie naman talaga ako. The next day pinag-uusapan naman namin na mahilig kami sa stand up comedy, like gusto namin si Dave Chappelle. The following day, pinag-uusapan naman namin na fans kami ng WWE pati yung mga favorite wrestlers namin. Yung sumunod na araw naman, nalaman namin na parehas kaming mahilig mag-drawing dati kasi anime fans kami mula pagkabata. Parehas din kaming may history ng pagiging gym rat. Nung time kasi na yun na nag-match kami, mahilig pa akong magbidyo na nagke-kettlebell squats ako. Na-catfish ko nga raw sya kasi akala nya tuloy legit muscle mommy ako. I mean, blame it on my olympian glutes.

Nakakatawa nga pati videoke go-to list ko bigla nyang natanong. Syempre binida ko yung Aegist setlist ko. Akala nya siguro magaling akong kumanta. And I think he’s not wrong lolz.

Pero may mga early differences na rin kami. Unang-una sa lahat fuel nya ang kape tapos yung matapang pa. Ako naman hindi kasi morning laxative ko yun tsaka kung magkakape ako, lalagyan ko yung ng maraming creamer at asukal hanggang sa maglasang pabebeng kape na lang yan sya.

Pet lover pa si Papi, he’s a fur dad. Meron syang Chihuahua at Boston Terrier (Chibi, Jacko, Weiwei). Pati pusa may mga alaga rin sya dati. Eh ang animals lang na alam ko nuggets, beef, pork, fillet. He’s a fur dad. I’m the momshie in faux fur. So in a way, parang we both support the entire fur industry chz.

Although aligned kami ng MBTI dahil parehas kaming INxx, magkaiba naman kami ng house nung nag-take kami ng sorting hat quiz. Hufflepuff sya tapos Slytherin ako. I don’t even know what I’m talking about kasi sya lang naman yung mahilig sa Harry Potter, ako naman hindi. 

But I think it’s an interesting contrast, even in our philosophies. Ito yung kilig sa pagitan namin kasi parang parehas kami na parang hindi. Na-realize ko na yung dynamic namin ni Papi ay parang high-functioning intersection ng neuroscience and sociology. 

Yung “comfort of resonance” lumalabas kapag nag-gi-geek out kami over stand up comedy or philosophy. Basically, it’s what people call in pop neuroscience na mirror neurons, yung parang nagkokopyahan kayo. Tsaka meron din kasing feedback loop ng validation kapag nakatapat ka ng fellow nerd, yun yung kilig feeling na you’re coming home to someone who just speaks your language naturally. Ganern.

Makikita mo rin yung sociological principle ng “Homophily” dito. Yung sinasabing parang “birds of a feather” vibe, yun kasi yung nagbi-build ng foundation of trust by saving us the effort of explaining kung bakit iconic yung Godfather reference or kung bakit pwedeng gawing personality ang pagbabasa ng self-help books. Again, it’s like you are already speaking the same language, di mo na kelangang mag-effort na i-translate or magbasa ng subtitles.

Pero meron ding “Complementarity,” ito yung light differences tulad nung sugar-creamer-soup coffee habit ko versus yung heavy caffeine fuel nya, or yung dynamic namin na pagiging fur dad nya versus yung pagiging faux fur momshie ko, which acts as the perfect amount of novel stimuli para sa aming dalawa. Ito yung tamang cognitive friction para hindi lang static kasi fino-force nito yung prefrontal cortex namin to stay engaged tsaka para laging fresh yung neural connections namin.

I think we can safely say na parang nahanap namin yung golden mean or yung sweet spot ng alignment ng core values namin, pero may enough differences lang pagdating sa daily habits. It’s like parang we’ve built a cooperative ecosystem where we don’t just mirror each other, but actually round each other out. It’s like parang we’ve used our similarities to build the house, but we’re using our differences to decorate the rooms. At dahil dyan mag-iimbento ako ng coined term para sa ganitong dating dynamic, I’ll call it the “Aligned Mismatch” dynamic.

Ikaw, kung nasa relationship ka, paano mo ide-describe yung “Aligned Mismatch” nyo as a couple?

At ikaw naman, kung single ka, 

bakit? Kawawa ka naman. Chz

Hanap ka na lang ng ka-”Aligned Mismatch” mo