Binibining Ces

Eh wala namang traumatic na nangyari sa akin nung childhood ko pero pangatlong trauma book ko na tong The Myth of Normal ni Dr. Gabor Mate. Di naman din kasi lahat dahil sa childhood trauma eh. Ano yun? Lahat na lang? Pero na-bust nya dito yung idea ng perfectly happy childhood.

Tuwing may nagsasabi raw kasi kay Gabor ng, “I was blessed with what most people call a very happy, blessed childhood. We were well off financially, I had a ton of friends, and so I wasn’t bullied—I didn’t have any of those big life circumstances,” itong sunod nyang tanong lang yung ibabato nya tapos biglang may mare-realize yung kausap nya about their own traumatic childhood wound they didn’t know they even had.

Tanungin nyo rin sarili nyo:
When I felt sad, unhappy, angry, confused, bewildered, lonely, bullied when I was a kid, who did I speak to? Who did I tell? Who could I confide in?

Ang sabi nya, notice your answer to this question, and also your feelings around it. If your answer is “No one” or “kung sino-sino lang na di naman consistent figure”, sign daw ito ng early disconnect.

Sabi pa nya, para sa mga di naniniwala na masaklap ang maging bata na walang makausap, nagpa-thought experiment sya. Effective to lalo na sa mga parents:

Step outside yourself and imagine another child, namely your own, in a similar position.
If you, as a parent, found out that your kid had an emotional shock at a young age such as you experienced, but didn’t talk to you, how would you explain that?”

Kung ang naisip mong mga sagot ay:
“That my kid didn’t trust me.”
“That my kid wouldn’t feel safe and secure.”
“That my kid is on his/her own, very alone.”

That’s how early disconnect sounds like. It’s not always what happened to you. It could also be what didn’t happen for you—the special connection you’ve been yearning for especially when you needed it the most.

Ironically, eto ako sharing about trauma, pero earlier today sa office eh na-trauma naman yung anak ng officemate ko kasi akala nya hayop yung boots with the fur ko (with the fur).